There are a few questions that adults often ask: ‘What job would you like to do in the future?’, ‘What are you good at?’ and ‘Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?’.
Big questions like these can be daunting, especially if you’re not sure of your answers. But confusion and uncertainty about who you are and what you want to be are all part of growing up. Ask any adult what they wanted to do in the future when they were 16 and many will admit they didn’t know then, and are perhaps still unsure now. Thankfully, there are ways to manage uncertainty – and even to see this as an exciting opportunity for self-discovery.
Feeling lost
Humans tend to crave purpose. Having goals and dreams to work towards can help to achieve a sense of belonging and happiness. So it makes sense that when a person isn’t sure what they want, they can feel disorientated or low and doubt their self-worth, possibly leading to a lack of self- confidence. Feeling lost can also happen if you live for others rather than yourself – for example, if you worry more about meeting others’ expectations than following your own path. Whether it’s learning an instrument that doesn’t excite you, planning a career you don’t really want, or pursuing hobbies just because you think you ‘should’, when you only do things to please others, you can lose sight of what matters to you.
Comparison trap
Comparing yourself to others can also prompt feelings of bewilderment. If you have a friend who’s already decided on their career and knows which path to take to achieve this goal, it can make you feel even more indecisive. Social media also invites negative comparisons, especially when everyone else seems to have perfect lives and their future mapped out. But focusing on and comparing yourself to others can lead you away from what you really want.
Another factor that can come into play is something called social conditioning – a belief that we must meet society’s norms and expectations to fit in. Whether it’s clothes, music choices or opinions, trying to comply with others’ behaviours or feelings can undermine your individuality. It might also steer you away from your real dreams and hopes if they differ from those of the in-crowd.
Feeling lost is unsettling, but it can also be a starting point to discovering the real you. As American poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau once said: ‘Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.’
Getting to know you
Here are a few things to try if you’re unsure about your next step:
Consider your happiness and what’s important to you
Sometimes, that might put you at odds with others – even people you love and care about – but you can’t always please everyone.
Keep a diary
Journalling can be a great way to keep track of your thoughts and feelings, as well as offering an opportunity to check in with yourself.
Take time out
Whether it’s baking, playing footie, socialising with friends or making playlists, spend a few hours each week doing things that make you happy.
Try new activities
This can help to explore what it is you really enjoy and boost self-confidence. If you’ve always wanted to help with the school newsletter but have been scared to try, give it a go. Starting is the first – and hardest – step.
Ask for help
If you’re anxious about upcoming decisions or questions about the future, seek the advice of a trusted adult – perhaps an older sibling, guardian or teacher. They’ll do their best to point you in the right direction.
Know that it’s okay to feel lost
Everybody is bewildered and disorientated at various stages in life. Sometimes it can be the starting point to (re)discovering who you are and what you want.